woohoo!

nope, no good reason for the celebratory title, none particular anyway. today's the first straight up cold, gray day we've had. it's kind of strangely cheerful; maybe it just feels like it's getting ready to inaugurate the Christmas season or something. i'm at this independent, locally owned, small coffee shop (that was for pat) in st. michael's, about fifteen minutes from our place. this is the first time in my life, i think, that i've gone to a place consistently enough to finish off one of those cards where they punch a hole every time you get something, so you get a free drink or whatever. i gotta tell ya, it's a really good feeling.

well, there weren't any journals for class this week because we had kind of a crazy weekend, and we're in the middle of life stories. i gave mine in class yesterday. the problem with life stories is that they're an hour and a half long, so the whole time you feel like you've got tons of time left, until the last minute. and what happened last in my life? you. i got to the family, well, senior year, with like 12 minutes left, and that's just not justice, not at all. so i hoped to repair it a little here, and just say some things ya know?


the overarching narrative of my life up to this point takes an incredible turn in you. here's what i mean: life since i can remember has been some sort of self-preserving, self-serving caution that flees the danger of real relationship for the familiarity of friendship that requires no real interdependence. that's a simplistic statement, kind of, and one that doesn't do complete justice to some really significant and close relationships from high school and early college, and the best of these friendships have continued to grow into more complete ones, so they're part of this, too. but it's true overall, and in my former safe isolation my heart was ice, i mean rock-hard ice.

and then God introduced us all to each other, or rather re-introduced us, as brothers and sisters, and i wanted to tell them yesterday all of the warmth you brought me (i wanted to use the phrase 'the bunsen burner of love,' but that's just weird right?). in you, in the substance of our community that welcomed, loved, encouraged and appreciated (though with its share of deficiencies, i admit), i was melted of (a lot of) my hardness. all of the biblical imagery of hearts of stone being turned into hearts of flesh became reality in my tears (which were rare till then anyway), tears that i could finally cry for the pain (and joy!) of others, not just for my own. after striving so hard for my own gain, my own satisfaction, after treating people as means and not as family, God gives us that joy in striving for the joy of those around us, of the Church, particularly. "for i felt sure of you all, that my joy would be the joy of you all." - 2 cor 2:3.

i love you guys; hope to see you soon.